Spending dedicated 1:1 time with your kid doesn't work. So, now what?

Mar 15, 2023

You've already heard many in the parenting field recommend spending dedicated 1:1 time with your child to “fill their cup”, but when you do this with a strong-willed child it doesn’t always work. You and I both know this.

So many parents are already overworked and exhausted that trying another “tactic” that doesn’t work is not an option. It's like you've been “promised” that this tactic will work for your child and when it doesn’t it leaves you frustrated and feeling like the ONLY ONE who has a kid who doesn’t fit the mold.

Pssst….it’s NOT only you!

If “filling their cup” with 10 - 15 minutes of dedicated attention doesn’t improve their behaviour, doing it over and over again feels like madness. 

The truth is …they have a leaky cup and you cannot successfully fill a cup with a leak!

But it’s not for the reason you think.

It’s not because you’re not putting enough in.

It’s not that you need to be giving MORE and MORE of your time (so you can let go of guilting and shaming yourself for not doing enough). Your child’s cup isn’t filling up because there is a giant crack in the bottom. EVERYTHING you put in will drip out.

The solution isn’t to put more in. The solution is to repair the crack.

Then, what you put in will stay in! Then, 1:1 time will actually work. 

So, how do you repair the crack in your child’s cup?


You repair the crack with your response to it.

Not by denying it. 

Not by wishing it away. 

Not by trying to cover it up with duct tape. 

Not by pouring different fancier liquid into the cup (i.e. expensive camps, trips, meals, a new home, new toys). 

Not by pouring more in.

Not by blaming the crack.

Not by blaming you for the crack.

None of that repairs.

You repair the crack with your response to it.

So, how do you start?  Create stability in your relationship with your child with Love Bombs.  Use the SHUAVE™️ process to acknowledge the crack. 

I know it's important to you to parent in a way that feels good. That's why you're reading this. You don't want another year of pouring into an unfillable cup, and the guilt, shame and resentment that comes along with that. You want your child to feel connected - to have a full cup. So, if after reading these other blog posts, you want systematic solutions and a community of parents who get you and your kid, join us in The Cove.

And if you are like how I used to be and consume a lot of parenting information, and yet can’t get things to change. Here is a hard truth – You, my friend, may also have an unfillable cup. Stop putting more in. Stop consuming more and more tips and tricks. Let’s work on the crack in your cup. We can do both in The Cove.